i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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