ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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