You're my little dorito
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
