I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
