there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
