It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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