dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
