while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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