I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
