her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
