You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
