She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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