my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
