Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
