Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
