I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
