I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
