This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
