Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
