fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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