she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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