I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
