Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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