Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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