If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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