i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I haven't been this sober since birth.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
