I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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