I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
