Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
