Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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