umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
