Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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