Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
