Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
