I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
