i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
