Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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