I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
