you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
