mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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