i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
