anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize