this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
