I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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