i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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