Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
