this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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