I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
