dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
