He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
