So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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