I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
