I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
