; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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