he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize