i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
