Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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