on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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