respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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