That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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