Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
third nipple confirmed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
