oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
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Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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