So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
