I hate your face
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
