I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
