I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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