fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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