She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
