We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
