so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
