I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
