I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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