Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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