I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize