I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
