This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
