He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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