she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
