How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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