I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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