I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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