Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
